Fool Myself

First, he teached me to say “windup”. Boh, doest it have any sense?

Anyway, I’m the best in fool myself.

What I want/need to be happy now? I could say : ” Find myself!”

” Don’t look back! Carry on! ”

“Life is Amazing!”

“Be strong! React! ”

” Fuck him! He doesn’t deserve your LOVE!”

All good points, very good points.

Cazzate Bullshit.

The only thing that could make me happy now is… HIM! Is it so bad to admit? Is it so Pathetic?

I don’t think so, it’s the truth, sometimes truth is pathetic. OKay, sì, è patetico.

Why I expect so much from him? We met three months ago. I had a boyfriend, we were together for 5 years, almost 6.

I run away from his life, i just disappeared. We had years of something together, and i didn’t stop even for a minute before running away. Not a minute. No doubt. No regrets.

I was sure, even before meeting this British guy, i didn’ want to spend my life with my ex boyfriend.

We were buying home, together.

So, why I expect something from HIM now? Because i love him, and love make me blind?Maybe. Karma? Ma per favore.

He text me, i don’t know nothing anymore. Again.

 

 

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Run. Will it never end?

Now, I think it will never end. I am empty. No more power.

I need to move.

Fuckin hell I am pathetic. I’m still looking my phone waiting for a message.

“Sorry, I made a mistake. See you next week”. Pathetic.

Anyway, other people  should not have so much power on me. Where am I? Why can’t  I tell myself the right things I can say to my friends when they feel like shit? It’s insane! It’s like living in a dream, a nightmare, a dream, e nightmare. I am powerless  just moving into life waiting someone choose if I am happy or I am sad.

Cazzo. I don’t want to be that! I want to choose for my own happiness!

I need to move, I need it.

“Can I tell you something? A suggestion.. When you met someone, don’t tell him that your the best in running away..”

Thanks, many thanks for the suggestion. I can’t help it. I’m the best in running away. For that reason I will run away. I will run after what I need to be happy, that’s the only thing I want!

“It’s okay not to be okay” thanks Jessie, but I want to be okay.

If I look back into that story, I smile, because it was really amazing. But it’s over. I need to smile again, for something I choose for me, dannazione.

Put yourself together! Damn

 

 

Unaware Mistress

Well. Today I know. I was a mistress.

He is a good player, touché. He loved me. Maybe. That was a perfect example of “the perfect Betrayal”. An exciting hot summer, with sex and no-stress.

But, men (guys) , well, them, at the end, always choose the easy way.

Is it really so good to stay in the comfort zone? Maybe I will learn it, but now, I can’t believe it. Comfort zone is so predictable, so well known, so!

Anyway I fell like shit, but for others reasons.

“You are amazing, you know that?”

“I will never forget you”

“I had the best time with you”

I really don’t understand the reason to tell me something like that, I feel like he put me in a box, with a beautiful knot, and put it in a secret guardrobe. Like I am a sort of ghost, a sort of soul, something that never really happened.

Open the bracket, feel free and fly, close the bracket.

I am in two fuckin brackets!!!! Bloody hell.

I was listening Adele, bad idea, really bad.

I woke up now, the dream is over. Maybe that’s the only possible way to feel the real love, because love is not enough.

I don’t blame him, no. He was perfect, sincere and honest, the fact is shit happens and today was my shitty day.

I hate me to feel like that, I hate to feel like I wasn’t enough. I don’t like he used me to understand his feelings. But……

I am late. Shit!

Feel like Shit Part.1

I met a guy, i met a guy. Great. I can’t stop thinking about it, it feels so bad, i feel so bad.

How is it possible? How the cazzo is it possible? I didn’t know it was possible to suffer like this. I can’t even say that if had known, i wouldn’t have done what i did, because it’s bullshit. I would do the same, again and again.

Love is amazing, thinking about it is fantastic, i can feel it now, if i try.

“I don’t know”, he doesn’t know. mah. boh.

We both had a relationship when we met, we both felt a buzz. Are we two bad persons? Maybe, but i don’t think so. I think what we had was impossible to stop, assolutamente.

British. Oh, yes, he is British. I’m not, ovviamente. Different countries, different culture, different language, OH, delicious. “Loudy” is my new word. I can do that. He found it so funny, i can see him laugh.

Anyway, i met him for work. I don’t know if i will see him again, it hurts, cazzo, it hurts.

“Grazie”

“Prego”

“Va bene?”

British people can’t say the “R”.

I can hear his voice. “Esatto